[TEN things you want to say to TEN different people:] (totally note me if you think you know any of these)

о1. There is no way to describe how I feel about you. I’ve told you over and over again how much I love you, but it never seems to be enough. You are so much more than just a friend to me. You are family. The closest thing I’ve ever known to one. You’ve been beside me through everything, you don’t get irritated with my paranoia or my emotions, and you’ve helped me through more than I could have ever imagined.I love you so much, and I never want to have to let you go. Because if it weren’t for you, I’d never have made it., things have only been getting worse for me, and you are the one person who’s been there and told me everything was going to be alright. You say I Help you through so much,but I can’t imagine how. I’m weak and frail, and I go to you far more than I should. Honestly, I don’t know how or why you bother to put up with me, but without it I don’t know ho I’d ever make it through the day. You are my savior. My sister. My best friend. I love you more than you could ever imagine… god, this sounds like a love confession or soemthing… but you know what I mean. I need you. I really do. And there’s so much more I could say to you, but I can’t. I can’t put these things into words, and I’m sorry for that. But I suppose with you and I, the silence says it all. Thank you for being in my life, and thank you for being pushy. You say you’re glad you’re like that, but you aren’t the only one. Because if you weren’t, I don’t know where I’d be right now.

o2. I miss you so much, my dear. Its been ages since we’ve talked, and I’m so sorry for being neglectful and never calling you. Hopefully you’ll get around to going to Lex’s and be able to see this, because I want you to know that I’ll never forget you. You and I stuck together through thick and thin, and we’ve had more laughs than I ever thought imaginable. I’m sorry I’ve never been the friend I should have been to you, and I’m sorry for leaving you behind up in PA. hopefully we’ll get to see each other eventually. I feel bad for not speaking to you in so long, but things have been hectic. But I do miss you, and I never want to lose touch with you. You are such an important friend to me, and even though we disagree on a lot of things, and even though we’ve hit a few speed bumps along the way, I hope that old flame can be rekindled and we can be as close as we used to be. I miss being there for you, even if I’m not the best at comforting you. I still want to be the shoulder you cry on (Though I can’t be literally, due to the distance). I love you for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t say it enough, but I do. Please call me soon!

о3. You… We’ve had some good times, you and I. I’m happy I got to meet you. You’ve been a great barrel of laughs, and we’ve had a few disagreements of our own, but we’ve always made up quickly, and it’s never failed to be a great time when you’re around. I really miss you, and I hope that I’ll get to see you soon, maybe you guys could come down here sometime or soemthing XD I need a visit. I’m going to call you soon. I am. And you better answer, you Anime-nazi, you!

о4. My jrock buddy! It’s so difficult getting to see you!!!! We totally need to hang out more, and talk about Hyde and Gackt and… Gaerock. Seriously, though, I really do want to see you more. You’re an amazing person, and spending time with you has been entertaining for sure. You taught me a lot about art, and I’m glad I can have such a talented tutor. You’re an awesome person, and I hope I’ll get to see you soon. Call me sometime, or else!

о5. I’ve never actually met you in person, but I still consider you a good friend, even if you don’t think of me the same way. I’m so glad you joined Shuiyidan, because if not I never would have gotten to meet you. I admire you so much. You’re art is amazing, and you’re an incredible writer. And I’m sorry if it seems like I’m pushing you to get on at times. I’m not. I just worry about you. Because I know you’ve been going through hell recently, and I hate to see you so upset. You are a great person, and you don’t deserve any of it. And please don’t hesitate to talk to me, because I want to try to help you through all this. I may not be good at it, but I want you to know that I care about you, and I don’t want to lose touch. I hope things will get better for you, and I’ll talk to you soon, okay?

о6. It’s been ages since I’ve seen you. Last time was… when you came back to school and visited the school. We need to hang out sometime. Because you’re an awesome person and super intelligent. You’re a great friend, and I don’t want to lose you to college. Maybe I’ll spam you’re DA or something. Hehe

о7. I miss Ronnie!!!! The idiot. Haha, I just said that so you’d know who I was talking to. We need to hang out more next year, my friend. Definitely. Hanging out at the mall with you was fun, and we need to hang out more. You’re a great person, and your photography is absolutely incredible and will definitely take you far. Lets not let our friendship fall. I’ll see you when the school year starts up again, and lets try to see more of each other.

о8. You’re my best friend on Aarin, you know that right? You always read my stuff, and I absolutely adore you for it. You’re crazy and hyper most of the time, but that’s what makes you so great. You’re randomness always manages to cheer me up, and I consider you a great friend as well. The age difference between us is… significant, I suppose, but I hope you don’t see me too much as a child. I want you to know that you’ve helped me. That whether you knew it or not, you have lifted my spirits on several occasions with that quirky attitude of yours, and I really admire you’re optimism and free spirit. Thanks for everything, my Aarin buddy.

o9. Next year, you and I need to talk more. Because even though you’re so much younger than me, you are a great writer, and you can be very mature at times. I know never really got to know one another, but you’re someone I”d really like to get to know better. Because you seem like one of those people that I can relate to, and you’re about the only mature one in our Chinese class. It may seem strange that I’m actually writing to you, since we never talked much but for one, I’m don’t have many actually friends on DA, and also because you are someone I”d like to get to know better. Lets get to know one another better next year, and good luck in high school!

10. I need to say this, because it has been bothering me since the last time we hung out: I don’t hate you. At all. I really do like you, and I’m sorry if I cannot display that properly. I feel terrible for making you feel that way, and I’ll make a better effort at not acting like an antisocial rock or being more talkative with your cousin than with you. I’m so sorry for making you think that I didn’t like you, and I’d like to hang out with you more and prove that to you. I’m so sorry. I am trying. I am. But I’ll do better next time.

[NINE things about yourself:]
о1. I’m not very trusting
о2. I have trouble expressing things properly, so don’t be offended if I come off rude or act nervous. I don’t hate you . I just suck at social stuff.
о3. I have an obsession with Vis Kei. yes!
о4. My home life is kind of fail
о5. I’m bad at helping people when they are upset. I try, but I mess up a lot and tend to make things worse. Sorry if I’ve done that to any of you.
о6. I’m asexual.
о7. I don’t get attached easily, but when I do, I’m a bit obsessive with it.
o8. I adore Dr. Pepper
о9. I’m somewhat of a pack rat. I keep like… EVERYTHING

[EIGHT ways to win your heart:]
о1. Be yourself, and never try to impress me. I don’t want to be impressed. I just want someone who isn’t afraid of who they are.
о2. Treat me as a friend. Not a god, and not nothing.
о3. Support me, because the thing I need the most is someone who can be therefor me and provide me with moral support.
о4. Don’t lie to me. I don’t care what you’ve done wrong. I’ll accept you, if you’re honest.
о5. accept me. You don’t have to understand me, but let me know that I’m not an nuisance.
о6. Tell me. I want to be the one you go to when you need it.
о7. Need me as much as I need you. Don’t make me feel like it’s unbalanced, because I’ll feel like I’m taking advantage
о8. Accept my flaws. I have a lot of them.

[SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:]
о1. My characters who mean the world to me
о2. music
о3. My life troubles
о4. a lot of useless paranoia
о5. moving out
о6. school (I have a lot to do)
о7. Dirt. I hate it.

[SIX things you couldn't live without:]
о1. My best friend
о2. Kazuya Minekura…’s works XD
о3. Plastic Tree… My anti-angst
о4. Art
о5. Dr. Pepper
о6. My computer, my love

[FIVE turn offs:] & [FOUR turn ons:]
o1. selfishness
o2. Compulsive lying
o3. constant insults
o4. Invasive
o5. flirtatious

o1. Sensitivity
o2. Nurturing
o3. Understanding
o4. Oddities

[THREE smileys that describe your life:]
o1. XP
o2. O_o
o3. ^^

[TWO things you want to do before you die:]
о1. Get out of my house
о2. Prove to myself that I can do soemthing worthwhile so I don’t feel like I’ve wasted it.

[ONE confession:]
о1. I Have severe paranoia and polyphobia, and they are always getting in my way. I’m so afraid that I’ll be betrayed and left behind by my close friends like I have well over a dozen times before that I cannot get attached to them anymore, and I’m afraid of meeting new people and actually taking a liking to them. It has prevented me from befriending so many great people and has left me feeling so isolated that I can’t even find words to describe it. Things like friendships… or even just talking to people in general.. they terrify me. I want people to care about me, but every time I thought they did in the past all they did was spread rumors about me or fake a smile and talk about me behind my back .I don’t want it to happen again. I mean, just speaking to people alone… I always fear it. Because I wonder if I sound like an idiot when I talk, or if I’m speaking senselessly and they aren’t comprehending it. I always wonder what they are thinking, and my automatic assumption if that they are questioning my sanity or wondering what the hell I’m even doing talking to them. I feel so unworthy of people, and I freeze up whenever I’m around them. I can’t speak. And I can’t move. Because I wonder which move I make will be the one that sends me falling on my face and making a fool of myself.